An open letter to my Noodle.

I’m working on that shit show of a banner you see up there, work with me, people. Now, it’s Valentine’s Day. I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would which is an automatic win, but there are some things I’d like to say to my former Mister. I didn’t want to bog down Twitter with it,  but wanted to put it where someone might see it. So, here it goes.

Baba,

Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you celebrated with someone special. I keep telling myself that she won’t compare to me. I know she won’t, if there’s a ‘she’ at all. Today was supposed to be the day we reevaluated our relationship; decided if we were gonna stay together. But I know things don’t always go as planned. And that’s okay. You can’t know where you wanna be if you’ve never been anywhere else. I pray that in the end where you wanna be is with me. C, I love you so very much. I know you know that. I want you to be happy. I know you know that too. I also know that you know that I miss the hell out of you. But it’s what we had to do. Don’t feel bad for breaking my heart. I know that it was hard for you to do. I know that you were hurting as well, and I know this wasn’t easy. It was a hard decision to come to and I’m so proud of you for telling me what you needed. Of course I wish you had told me sooner, before I felt like it was safe to believe we had a future, before we let ourselves fall in love… but as much as I’m sad to have lost you (for the time being), I am so blessed to have had you. You make my  heart smile, even now. And I want the best for you. I think I’m the best for you, of course, but we’ll just have to wait and see huh?

Love Always,

J.

52 Weeks

Yesterday was my anniversary. I felt okay when I got up. Energetic, even. I hung out until about 2 o’clock then I got busy cleaning my house. He texted me around 6. asked if I had gotten my new tv yet. We made small talk. I feel like he didn’t even remember, or worse, didn’t care.

Or maybe what my mom tells me is right; maybe this is just how he’s coping. I told him that I was getting the TV on black friday. It’s possible that he didn’t remember that I had told him when I was getting the TV, or he wanted to talk to me but didn’t know how. Maybe he was afraid to make me sad. I hope that’s it. I had so much planned for this weekend. I had been trying to figure out what we were gonna do for weeks. All for nothing, I guess. I’ve written him a letter. Now I gotta figure out whether or not I’m gonna send it.

Jeebus, why is this so damn hard?

Does this blog make me look fat?

I have a serious issue with lying. This includes the notion that if a woman asks if she looks fat, the correct answer is alway no. That’s just stupid. This has actually caused a few arguments in my current relationship, because after wearing my boyfriend down, I finally get the answer to whatever question he was afraid to answer honestly for fear of hurting my feelings.

I can get that you want your loved one to be happy. That’s fine. What’s not fine is sending a friend or lover out into the world looking like they tried to squeeze into something they saw at Baby Gap.

I also realize that this is the fault of women. When people, especially our significant others tell us something about ourselves that we’ve been trying to deny, it hurts. But at least it’s the truth. If you don’t like it, fix it. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, nor questions to which the answer is too much for you to handle.

And if your honey tells you that you don’t look great in the outfit you’ve decided, be grateful that he doesn’t want you walking around looking like a hot dog that exploded in the microwave or a Lady Gaga backup dancer wannabe. Stop scaring our men into lying to us when we complain about them being dishonest all the time.

*hops off soapbox*