One Day at a Time.

1 Jun

I miss him so much today. I’ve been trying to stop thinking about it but I can’t get him out of my head. But it’s ok. It’ll get better.

I should be getting my Marley (or Daisy, depending on who you ask) back tomorrow! Yay! I missed her so. And even though the walking was good for me, I’m over it. It’s too fucking hot for that.

And not only is my car coming home, but my Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual spoils will be here too! Yee! I knew that June would be better. It just had to be :)

I’m pretty sure that in my past life I killed kittens and punted babies.

1 Jun

I was seriously hoping that from here forward my little blog would be a happy place, but let me tell you about the worst week in the history of terrible weeks.

No, seriously. Shit was BAD, yo.

Thursday

I found out in the afternoon that I wouldn’t be going to Law School this year as planned and it pissed me off and broke my heart. I wanted to be there more than anything, and it literally felt like I was dying. I hadn’t felt so sad since my breakup (See: Saturday for added shittiness). The worst part wasn’t even that I wouldn’t be going; it was letting down all the people who were so proud of me. My mom says that everyone is still proud of me, but I can’t help hating myself a little.

Then, later in order to quell some of my sorrow, I decided a Chipotle burrito was in order. As I was driving to the new one nearest my apartment, I got pulled over. Apparently, the motor vehicle people didn’t have proof of my insurance (even though I sent it in APRIL) and there was a pickup order on my tags. The officer literally took my license plates. Which meant I could’t drive home. So I had to walk two miles in a sheer tank top and sweats, at 9pm. The officer didn’t even wait to make sure I had a ride. Bitch.

Friday

I spent the whole day trying to figure out how to get my car back. Turns out, the vehicle people were closed for the holiday. On FRIDAY. And wouldn’t be back until TUESDAY. Fucking bastards. Then I call the police to inquire as to whether my car was safe in the residential neighborhood where it was parked and they assured me that they would impound it at the earliest opportunity and I needed it to be moved to private property. This is the fucking DC metro area! There is NO private parking space! So the rest of the day was spent calculating how much it would cost if the police took it, and trying to figure out alternatives. Boo.

Saturday

Saw my ex and his new girl. Who, oddly yet predictably, resembles me, in my opinion. Wanted to die.

Sunday

I stayed in the house all day. The world outside the apartment is a scary and unforgiving place. This is also the day that the grief I had been ignoring over seeing the man I love with the woman who replaced me (or I replaced, depending on how you look at it. It’s kinda complicated) caught up with me. I spent a majority of the day crying and tiring myself out, then napping and waking up to cry again. Awesome.

Monday

The first really good day that I had since Thursday, my bestie and I went to the new Shake Shack in Dupont Circle, then went to see Pirates of the Caribbean. It was super!

I’m really hoping that I get a break this week. And June should be all together better than May. Fingers crossed.

*I wanted to include pictures but I don’t have any that are relevant unless you want a picture of me doing the ugly cry**. Which I could totally supply. 

**crying actually makes my eyes turn a lovely shade of green, which makes me feel a glimmer of happiness during whatever event is making me do the ugly cry. Like watching The Notebook or mourning the death of my relationship.

and one more time!

26 May

I really wanted the Coraline theme to work out for me but, alas. So, we’re back to bueno until I save enough pennies and get my self to justify spending $75 on the Pretty Young Thing theme because I’m kinda obsessed with it. I do far too much cursing for such a cute theme but it is just so damn cute!

A lot of my friends have been telling me to blog again and I miss it so I am. You may ignore the previous drivel. Just pay attention to me now. I’m still trying to decide on whether I should delete it, but I don’t think I will. okay. See you Monday!

4 day week from hell.

26 Feb

jesus christ.

I never knew 4 days could feel so long. Started at 3 am on Wednesday morning when I channeled my inner Mother Teresa and agreed to take Chloe and her mother to the airport to catch a flight to California. I had really been bamboozled into the damn arrangement anyway when,  my best guy friend and Chloe’s father, Spiph (pronounced Spif) asked me what I was doing Tuesday night. I say nothing and agree to take them to the airport, assuming that it would actually be Tuesday night and that the flight would be taking off out of Reagan National Airport, about a 20 minute drive.

Then he dropped the boom on me.

They would be leaving out of BWI, a 45 minute drive, and it would be at 4 in he motherfucking morning. I didn’t even have a clue what 4 in the morning looked like. But it was for Chlo, and I had already agreed.

Spiph and I returned to DC around 6 and I took him home to sleep. I headed to work.

Where the shit really hit the fan. Work was crazy, you’d expect people in high places to know what the fuck they’re doing but nooooo.

Then Thursday, I needed to get a form filled out by Howard University and faxed to Howard University Law School. Too fucking difficult.

My apartment told me I needed to have a form filled out by 4 pm, so I make an escape from my cube, rush over only to tell me the form was taken care of when I signed my lease. I found out I have to take an actual driving test all over again. Fuck this week, dude.

An open letter to my Noodle.

14 Feb

I’m working on that shit show of a banner you see up there, work with me, people. Now, it’s Valentine’s Day. I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would which is an automatic win, but there are some things I’d like to say to my former Mister. I didn’t want to bog down Twitter with it,  but wanted to put it where someone might see it. So, here it goes.

Baba,

Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you celebrated with someone special. I keep telling myself that she won’t compare to me. I know she won’t, if there’s a ‘she’ at all. Today was supposed to be the day we reevaluated our relationship; decided if we were gonna stay together. But I know things don’t always go as planned. And that’s okay. You can’t know where you wanna be if you’ve never been anywhere else. I pray that in the end where you wanna be is with me. C, I love you so very much. I know you know that. I want you to be happy. I know you know that too. I also know that you know that I miss the hell out of you. But it’s what we had to do. Don’t feel bad for breaking my heart. I know that it was hard for you to do. I know that you were hurting as well, and I know this wasn’t easy. It was a hard decision to come to and I’m so proud of you for telling me what you needed. Of course I wish you had told me sooner, before I felt like it was safe to believe we had a future, before we let ourselves fall in love… but as much as I’m sad to have lost you (for the time being), I am so blessed to have had you. You make my  heart smile, even now. And I want the best for you. I think I’m the best for you, of course, but we’ll just have to wait and see huh?

Love Always,

J.

Never Say Never.

7 Jan

I’ll never say never to loving you
because after all this time, I still do
and baby if ever, you want another try
I’ll give it to you cause I never said goodbye

I never meant to hurt you, or make you cry
and I miss you so much it’s, eating me alive
and I hope you understand that, my love was real
and I’ll never feel again what, you made me feel

I’ll never say never to loving you
because after all this time, I still do
and baby if ever, you want another try
I’ll give it to you cause I never said goodbye

I know it’s hard and scary, to love so much
and I know you’ve been hurt so it’s hard to trust
I know what it feels like, because I felt it too
but all diminished when I looked at you

looking back at it all now, i know i was wrong
i just never imagined, that you’d be gone
I know we kinda derailed, and got off track
but I’d give anything in this world, to have you back

I’ll never say never to loving you
because after all this time, I still do
and baby if ever, you want another try
I’ll give it to you cause I never said goodbye

and after all this time… I still do.

52 Weeks

15 Nov

Yesterday was my anniversary. I felt okay when I got up. Energetic, even. I hung out until about 2 o’clock then I got busy cleaning my house. He texted me around 6. asked if I had gotten my new tv yet. We made small talk. I feel like he didn’t even remember, or worse, didn’t care.

Or maybe what my mom tells me is right; maybe this is just how he’s coping. I told him that I was getting the TV on black friday. It’s possible that he didn’t remember that I had told him when I was getting the TV, or he wanted to talk to me but didn’t know how. Maybe he was afraid to make me sad. I hope that’s it. I had so much planned for this weekend. I had been trying to figure out what we were gonna do for weeks. All for nothing, I guess. I’ve written him a letter. Now I gotta figure out whether or not I’m gonna send it.

Jeebus, why is this so damn hard?

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